Friday, July 24, 2015

Chapter-III Benign Aggression:Save Your Self or Self Destruct P-2 {1988/89-95']

Benign Aggression: Save Your Self or Self-Destruct

1988-89 to 95' [P-2]
Somehow I got talked into going to Florida twice and both times were bloopers. But one of the times I had to hitchhike back..
Again my impulsive nature got me in trouble. 
We were drinking and partying this time. And out of the blue, people were like," let's go to Florida. " Well we went and I ended up hitch-hiking back because the corner off of the Daytona beach strip, a few of us were dropped off on when we first arrived... [dude was suppose to go up the street to get his girl] was the same exact one we got picked up on the next morning [10-12 hrs later]. The dude I rode down there with was suppose to go up the street to get his girl.. I knew I shouldn't have gotten in the car from the jump, back then I was the type of nigga that would split QUICK..  I didn't care how high I was, how far I was from home, who was there. If I smelled some funny shit - I'm gone. My biggest problem was I was too impulsive, and I always stepped into dumb shit.
Immediately I made a sign after we went to the dude driving [Q] girl's house. I said, " Hi - [ to her, she use to live around the way ] do you have a marker "
I ripped up a card board box [10x12],  and wrote, ' VIRGINIA BEACH ' in thick letters with yellowish-green florescent stripes, then I calmly said " take me to the interstate. " 
I got dropped off at the top of a Jacksonville exit ramp on the interstate at about 12 AM [approximately 10-12 hours later], walked down it to a donut shop, called my mother to see if I could get a bus ticket and she said " pray to god." I didn't but I did tie my kicks - tighter, I got a ride from a newspaper truck to downtown Jacksonville, stayed in the bus station overnight, slept, woke up at 5:00 a.m. I walked to the interstate.. and I remember hearing gunshots early in the morning and seeing a older brother looking terrible [drugs]. I took about 20 steps and a raggedy two seater station wagon, filled with fishing rides, shovels, tools and other stuff pulled over.. A older biker looking dude [about 30 - 35 years old] said ' get in ' and I did, couldn't be picky [10 hrs and 23 minutes drive to Virginia Beach].. and the first thing I remember seeing was a bullet by the shift/ashtray. I think that was a hint, for the passenger. He was going to Pennsylvania but ended up taking me all of the way to Virginia Beach. We spent the night at my associates house [ batchelors ]. I knocked on the door smiling ear to ear, with him behind me. I know they were mad at me, for good reasons..
was another adventure, gun threats, stole gas, break ups - make ups.. everything, but all in all he was cool, a true soldier! But I had to ditch him.

After we left my associates crib early in the morning, dude wanted to hit the pawn shops to sell stuff for more gas,
We were riding up the road and, I said " stop ", I got out of the car.. told him from the outside of the car to make a u turn... He was still lookin at me waiting for instructions, then I raised my hand up like, I'm out! He looked at me  like, what?, shook his head, and drove off. I walked home. It took me 15 minutes.
He wanted me to go to Pennsylvania with him - nope.
He thought we made a good team - we did.

At that time my social circle was not made up of neighborhood friends: confidants [unconditional love ones], constituencies [conditional love ones], or comrads [more loyal to you than new associates]. We were fairly new associates. Relations change when appetites change. Friends are more precious than gold, because you can get gold with them or through them. Needs won't separate you - pleasures wont separate you. With these, individual attention: social status, being the most desireable to females or associate, lower pleasures and the likes, were most important and understood. There were no persons from the old neighborhood I grew with - no loayalty: *95% of the people I dealt with were only there for 2 years maximum, seeing them maybe 20 times physically in that 2 year period. Sometimes 2 of those times were in the the same day. I'm a social butterfly. I went to 3 elementary schools. The last one was White Oaks, everyone in White Oaks went to Brandon Junior High. I went there for 1 year, then the next year a couple of neighborhoods got bussed to Princess Anne Jr. High. I went there for the rest of my junior high days [ besides a 2 month stint at Reservoir Middle School in Newport News]. I Breakdanced for a couple of years, then I started skating which invovled a completely different crowd. Over half of the people in Princess Anne went to Kellam High School while I went to Green Run High, back with the people I went to elementary school, and one year of junior high school.and the school was big. I didn't see noby from elementary. I hung in some of the old neighborhoods like Carper during junior high but.. It wasn't very frequent.
I grew up in a beautiful city, even the low income housing were nice, but for the most part there were no father figures-adult males of any sort in the neighborhood. Therefore, there were no consistent rules. In my opinion, we didn't even know how to do wrong right. We were very emotional and deceptive one way or another. Nobody was there to balance the scale, moderate. There were no winos, pimps, the city [area I knew].. [Playas were there and my mother knew some. They were in other cities and the local playas were supa-slick] The boldest and most aggressive [I knew] went to jail early [by 92'] and the deception elevated-immediately after. After I got the 2 felon charges in 90', and the misdemeanors, the idea of re-entering the neighborhood I grew up in was faint because I could get a tresspassing charge. The older charges I got were silly, but the police made it  seem like I was ring-leader.  I was told 3 misdemeanors was a felon. I said to myself I aint playing with these people. I aint saying slighty, I was better than anyone or that there were'nt great people around, but if I have a drug problem and you have a drug, alcohol or any type of problem why are we hanging? Back then when we first met the first thing we'd say was, " Where's the bitches, or where's the weed or alcohol? " Rarely did you hear " let's get this money !" At first people were pretty much on the same side
but things change with the factors.
As social trends come and go, so do people. People are influenced by television, movies, music, females and ect. Crack came into the equation and things changed, as did the music, principles, and the loyalties.
The females became valuable because 9 times out of 10 a nigga didn't have a license, and they always had friends-girlfriends. She could set you up with jobs, her friends/associates. You could sell weed through her, to her friends and their friends and associates [to her if you raw], her friends and associates; meeting more cattle/hindpots for you to station: trade, sell or rent to your friends. Ex. " talk to her for a lil bit; keep it in the family "  It's monopoly mixed with chess. 
It got cliquey within cliques. If you were truly intelligent you wouldn't have been hanging, how I was hanging, if you were in my position. I had too many negatives: I moved out of the neighborhood I grew up in from 78-89 [and didn't maintain relationships]; me and my immediate family members were NOT on the same side of the chessboard, and people knew it and capitalized off of it. 90% of people will play you for your weaknesses; I didn't play the same: do or sell drugs, prior charges through that idea away. I started dabbling into music recordings. I didn't trust a soul, and the spontaneous nature I had dissolved so I was boring. Weed was cool at first but I started hearing a voice and it told me ' wrong circle'. Alcohol drowned the voice but trouble followed, so now I'm pecking the bottle until it's warm then pouring it out. Back in the early 90's, we drank 40s of Crazy horse, Magnums, Cisco, Cool Breeze, MD 20-20  [troouble] mixed with a lil weed up to 93-94'.
The music in the era: NWA, Ice Cube,Onyx, Leaders of the New School was shifting to Pac, Wu, Red Man, Snoop, Mobb Deep ect.
Movies changed, fashion changed..
People mimic movie characters, artists and wanted you to play roles.

It's a game
that knew me when I used to breakdance were shocked to see me skatboarding while other people that knew me when I skated were shocked to see me getting [back] into the Hip Hop Culture: fashion, attitude, which was now more socially conscious.
 that seen me seeking knowledge of self  [ I may have met them through music ] didn't like that I associated with white people while white people didn't like the fact I was changing in image/seeking knowlege of self, not knowing I was into it before I skateboarded or breakdanced
 this created rifts within and inside of social circles. I was at a point where I said to some white people, I can't hang with yal no more because I'm turning Muslim. I felt they really weren't doing anything progressive anyway, but then again a lot of the Hip Hop heads were dealing with or knew someone who dealt with white people themselves. Ultimately issues didn't have anything to do with race. I wouldn't have had any issues with the white folks if the niggaz wouldn't have asked me my opinion while I was chillin' with people [attention'].

Click Video to See Pharrell Williams Video on Growing up in Virginia Beach

" He who has the gold, makes the rules "
Wizard of Id Newspaper cartoon

The music recorded was pretty good. I started meeting a lot of good crews, hit up studios: had bump ins, disagreeances but it was cool because I was learning the game for what it was. I wasn't new to conflict. After I got into trouble earlier, I began hitting the mosque, bookstores. I met a brother, E- , at the mosque and he took me to Newport News, and hipped me on to scrolls.. I started meeting different people at different jobs. I worked a lot of different jobs, types of jobs which enveloped different types of people and experiences.

Sears [stock]
Lonestar Steakhouse [dish/prep]
Olive Gardens [dish]
Doc's Greenhouse[worked in the green house]
Cavalier Hotel [steward department]
*Bulkheads [Built Bulk head builder]
Construction Jobs [brick/carpenter helper]
Temporary services between jobs/Plan B [basic construction]
Traveling Portraits salesperson [sold portraits in the State]
Traveling salesperson Magazines [Florida and Texas]

Between 88-95', I matured greatly. Instead of being impulsive I became alert. I started off trying to do the right thing, joined the Army National Guard but came back money wasn't right, car wasn't fixed, among other negatives and I quickly regressed and landed in trouble. I was full of energy - impulsive and even though I just got back from boot camp, I was ill-disciplined. I was proud that I made it out of boot camp, but I wasn't proud enough to purchase the pictures illustrating my experience while I was there. So something definitely  was missing and it effected my attitude.
I did find a direction, a purpose - goal, and from that I grew to be goal-oriented. The path taught me ' no one is perfect, and because of that, God will constantly challenge me to make me [my soul ] better. In 93',  I decided music and film business was the way. And I recorded in variety of different home studios.

Eaton: 91-92 ' In the Flesh '
The Dirty Lab Entertainment: 91-92 ' in The Flesh '
[Forgot his name]: 92 ' Left, Right, Left.. '
Shinzu: 93' ' The World '
Rob9's Crib: 93-94 ' Take em' ' Time Traveler '
and others songs.

Might is Right
I recognized a consistent pattern in later years - people imitate what they see/hear on TV/radio.  The good, the bad and the ugly. in 88' Rebellious/Protest - PE, 90' Gangsterism - NWA, 93' Creative/Street - Wu, 95' - Playa lyricism - Biggie. Every since the movie Scarface was released, 12-83 which was around the same time crack came on the scene, people have  developed an alpha complex
It was always there, but the degree of it crippled communities.
wants to be Tony Montana, the alpha male. There must be ONE - " I'm the real one ". People wanted to be Suge, Dre, RZA... - ' The Star ', and what's rule #1 in ' The 48 Laws of Power ' 1. Never Outshine the Master '. Books like ' The Art of War ' screwed up the game because now everybody wanted to be BOSS.. of another person or control a region rather than see each other do good.

Chapters: 1 l 2 l 3 l 4 l 5 l 6 l 7 l 8 l 9 l 10 l The End: New Beginnings

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